im so drunk with asians
where?
always
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
