I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize