So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
