It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
