He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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