If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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