party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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