We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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