YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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