I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize