I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
