The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
