So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
