I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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