please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
