idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
love makes seman taste better
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
