does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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