the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
