I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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