You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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