I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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