Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
