i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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