I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
