I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
