when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
