Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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