I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
