Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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