So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
