i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
