you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
