wat bout pragnant strippers??
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You left your phone here
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