After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
