I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
