I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize