she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
