It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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