I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
