i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
