and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You are a booty call, not a friend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
