i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
