On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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