Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
