You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
