im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
