it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
