Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
