I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
