you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
