Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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