You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
