I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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