I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
