you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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