so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
