Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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