Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We left an ass print on the piano.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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