Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
