Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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