u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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