my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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