Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
