I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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