today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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