you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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