i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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