well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So apparently I’m into choking now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
