I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Im part way to drunk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
